Take me for Granted.

Photograph Courtesy: Kboy.

do you Take me for Granted?

well if you do then ill be true to you

value me or you dont

ill be true to you is all i know

I dont use that sentence as a negative one. If some one is taking me for granted, obviously, that person wants to see me around for his/her whole life. Thinking that im going to be there for the rest of his/her life or mine gives me a kind of satisfaction. Satisfaction, well... whenever I want to take someone for granted I Always ask them, rather tell them, I am rude, arrogant and possessive and at some point of time you can regret being my friend. I dont give you the option of leaving me. So think over it. If you have been told that by me, then I Take you for granted and some where believe you do that too.

Incident.

Today Morning, I was at Santacruz Station, Sitting on a bench width of 1 and a 1/2 Foot. It already had 3 bums on it and i added mine on the little (ok dont laugh) space that was left. Watching the crowd at the peek train travelling hours, boarding and off loading from the train, moving from one place to another. A girl was walking by me, totally messed up with the different things that she was holding in her hand, Purse, A bus Ticket, Train ticket and a 5 Rupee Note. She Dropped the Bus ticket, picked up that and then dropped the 5 Ruppee note. I Stood up and called her, she didnt turn back, in the mean time a man came looked at the note, picked it up and started walking. Baffled by this sceen i looked back and a lady who was standing beside me took my place. She had also noticed the whole sceen and then she pretended as she didnt know.

Ahh... Such a bad start and well i really dont want to comment on anything else...

The Chase

In Such a bad state today, It feels Miserable to not know. After my SSC, I had made up my mind that i wanted to get into Tourism Industry. Main Reason being, I Like to know about different people, places their Culture, traditions. Did my diploma in Travel and Tourism, Bachelors in Heritage Management and another Diploma in IATA (im not bothering to explain what it is). Took my First Job in VFS (Still dont know the Full Form), its basically a company which process the documents for visas. Didnt Enjoy much what i was doing there, left the job in Six months and Enjoyed a Vacation with Family in Rajasthan. My Second job, HRG Sita (Part of Kuoni India Pvt Ltd.) serves the cooperate for all the travel arrangements. Hmm, Now what is exactly the Problem with the kind of work that im doing here. My colleague is well a very good friend of mine, and i share a good bond with her. She dosent bother me. The work is demanding, a lot of pressure, what worries me is the mistakes that i make or may make. It directly results to the loss in terms of money. I make mistakes and I dont find myself fit for the kind of job im doing. Im not happy doing it.

People ask me, if it is not for the money then what are you exactly doing it for. Everybody likes money. I dont know Im not too sure whether i like money, rather i dont feel the importance of it right now, I have my father to fulfil whatever i want. That is the main reason why i dont understand its value.

Another Problem is that, I Dont know what i will be happy doing. I Know what is not going to make me happy. I know, I DONT want to get married, work with the risk factor involved in it, I think i can work with the time bound tasks, not with risk factor involved. Im just not comfortable with the idea of risk. When it comes to taking risk I lack decision making. I m not Lazy, I know I can work and I do work.

The problem here is I Dont know What to chase, everything is just so scattered. I dont understand where should i start thinking, on what should i think. Thinking, when i start thinking on what I Actually like doing, i just go blank. My head is just like an empty box, its almost like a vaccum. When i come to think that why this Vaccum, that builds tension. Makes me hate more what Im doing, makes me hate it and still do the thing that im hating so much. Imagine the level of frustration. You are not happy with what you are doing, you dont know what is actually going to make you happy, you are not working for money, you are not working for yourself. What are you exactly doing what you are doing. Shit.. Read My mind Can you? Its stressed thinking what it likes. 6 months trying to find out. Man!

Look at it, look at the negativity this blog is carrying. Its full of Donts and not Dos. I really dont know what im Chasing. Imagine, you dont know why are you running, you are tired running, you dont know where you are going to reach running, but you are running aimless. Its suffocating, people ask me to take life as it comes, Why? Why should i do that when i know its not going right! Should i accept something that I dont want to do, just because i really dont know what should i do?

Well... When you read this, im sure even you are going to get frustrated, but dont pity. Just get frustrated.

Satyameva Jayate

Why Do You think I Lie To You?

Yeah... Lemme Guess... Its Because of My Attitude, Behaviour, Thoughts, Actions and Reactions to Certain Issues and that is why someone Lies! Confession is something that wont change the fact that you lied, no I Cannot and Do Not want to Forgive just because you have confessed! No it is Not Acceptable! You Can Do Anything you want to... But atleast dont Lie!

Ok Lemme Give You A better Deal... Lie To me but dont let me know you have lied to me, or let me just not make out that you are lying to me.

If Tomorrow Never Comes

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way
To show her every day
That she's my only one
If my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes.

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance
To tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way
To show her every day
That she's my only one
If my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

Walking Down the Memory Lane!

(Photograph by Prakash Kini)

Standing here and looking back, Life is a Beautiful Drawing. I can See the Life Lived and few memories popping up in between, like a city on a map or something... lemme share a few...

• Sneaking out of the house, in the farm next to our residential society, stealing mullis from the farms. Farms were Forbidden, but Enjoyed the Sneaking and the Eating! Gone are the Farms, I Miss Them!
  
• The Medical Store on the Road, 15 years watching the same man selling medicine, noticing the change of Black Turning Grey, but unchanged is the confusion that he has with regards to me and my elder sister.
  
• Terrace and the corner near B Wing, That Place Symbolising the Past, The Fights, The Love, the Sweet and the Bitter shared with people! People.. A few with me and a few flown... but these few who have left/stayed have Shaped up the I in ME!


• Me and My Dogs! All the Strays in the Building were mine. I distinctly Remember Three Dogs (Bitches). Kiddy... whenever i used to call her, she would come to me and make those sweet sounds, stating please please Pat me. Then Came Lailaa, she was so attached to me, she used to even come to know whom have i fought with and bark on them. Rinku, she was my last attachment, whenever i used to sit on the ground she used to come and sleep on my lap, accompanying my loved ones till the gate and get them home sometimes, somebody gave her poison and she died.
  
• Finding Short Cuts way back home from any damn place.


• Arranging parties once six months, collecting 5 Rs. each from members of the girl gang. The Frequent Visits to Sunder Nagar Garden to Relish the Taste of one of its kind Cheese Toast Sandwich.


• Trekking, On Any one Sunday of the Monsoon, a trip was held to the different Ghats in and Around Mumbai! Awesome! That's may be One Reason why I am found of Trees and Nature, well 60% of this nature loving comes from my mother to me.


• Trying to fondle with each and every kind of insect, animal or bird that came across from tadpole to cow. Earthworms were one of my favourites.


• A Spoiled Bratt, in 7th class, I changed 7 tutors... rather 6 of them Ran Away! Was Arrogant, Rude and Ruthless when i used to speak to anyone.


• Temprature Touching 104 degrees after enoying the splitter splatter of rain for 3 hours.


• Internet, was such an In thing... the long chats with friends, making new friends and talking about everything to them. Dhaval is one such friend who is still in touch since those days:-)
  
• Departure from CST (Mumbai), Rajasthan Trip in Class 11th... Being away from parents for the very first time... It Was Difficult!


• Introduction with Arti on the 2nd floor staircase of K.C. College. Life after this day was never lived alone!


• The year 2004, foundation of a very important relationship.


• 2005, met 2 personalities :-) I Cherish Sajesh and Girvan.


• Last Six months of the Degree College, I Remember all the Days Lived, and were the days i lived to the fullest.

Life is so constantly changing but yet unchanged. Feels Beautiful, I Am Truly Blessed with wonderful people around.

Dont Let Go!

Both...

I Seriously rather no one can understand a situation better than the two individuals actually facing it. But will like to share one thing with you two...

I had a friend... we were togather for like 18 years.. since childhood... same neighbourhood... same school... same friendcircle and we two were like best of pals... ek baar miene usse pooch liya whether something was wrong with his family... and he got offended by it... one thing led to another we fought a lot.... aur fir usne keh diya that he wont ever come in my way... after that day... he has never communicated with me for any matter... shayad miene offend kiya hoga usse... i did say sorry... but he is still not talking to me.. I Remember him often i have spent so many days with him... Fight, Laughing, Crying and sharing and sooooooo many different things we have seen each other grow up... I Miss Him... woh ek baat ko itna aage leke gaaye.... now after three years... I Find this incident as one of the memories between me and that friend... i still feel the pinch of his absence...

With time i know the anger that is going inside you two will go and you both will feel the pinch of absence. Tum log toh mujhse baade ho... let go the ego... bahot cheeze boldi tum logo ne ek dusre ko... bahot misunderstandings hogayi... i know it wont go so soon... but atleast try and normalize... Not talking is not the solution... Talk and not Fight. and Talk Straight rather than Sarcastically... it will ease out most of the things...

ok m not a grand mother... but i hope this thing will put something across your tiny little brain and huge wala ego...

Dont Let Go Relationships like this...

Regards,

Tanu.