In Such a bad state today, It feels Miserable to not know. After my SSC, I had made up my mind that i wanted to get into Tourism Industry. Main Reason being, I Like to know about different people, places their Culture, traditions. Did my diploma in Travel and Tourism, Bachelors in Heritage Management and another Diploma in IATA (im not bothering to explain what it is). Took my First Job in VFS (Still dont know the Full Form), its basically a company which process the documents for visas. Didnt Enjoy much what i was doing there, left the job in Six months and Enjoyed a Vacation with Family in Rajasthan. My Second job, HRG Sita (Part of Kuoni India Pvt Ltd.) serves the cooperate for all the travel arrangements. Hmm, Now what is exactly the Problem with the kind of work that im doing here. My colleague is well a very good friend of mine, and i share a good bond with her. She dosent bother me. The work is demanding, a lot of pressure, what worries me is the mistakes that i make or may make. It directly results to the loss in terms of money. I make mistakes and I dont find myself fit for the kind of job im doing. Im not happy doing it.
People ask me, if it is not for the money then what are you exactly doing it for. Everybody likes money. I dont know Im not too sure whether i like money, rather i dont feel the importance of it right now, I have my father to fulfil whatever i want. That is the main reason why i dont understand its value.
Another Problem is that, I Dont know what i will be happy doing. I Know what is not going to make me happy. I know, I DONT want to get married, work with the risk factor involved in it, I think i can work with the time bound tasks, not with risk factor involved. Im just not comfortable with the idea of risk. When it comes to taking risk I lack decision making. I m not Lazy, I know I can work and I do work.
The problem here is I Dont know What to chase, everything is just so scattered. I dont understand where should i start thinking, on what should i think. Thinking, when i start thinking on what I Actually like doing, i just go blank. My head is just like an empty box, its almost like a vaccum. When i come to think that why this Vaccum, that builds tension. Makes me hate more what Im doing, makes me hate it and still do the thing that im hating so much. Imagine the level of frustration. You are not happy with what you are doing, you dont know what is actually going to make you happy, you are not working for money, you are not working for yourself. What are you exactly doing what you are doing. Shit.. Read My mind Can you? Its stressed thinking what it likes. 6 months trying to find out. Man!
Look at it, look at the negativity this blog is carrying. Its full of Donts and not Dos. I really dont know what im Chasing. Imagine, you dont know why are you running, you are tired running, you dont know where you are going to reach running, but you are running aimless. Its suffocating, people ask me to take life as it comes, Why? Why should i do that when i know its not going right! Should i accept something that I dont want to do, just because i really dont know what should i do?
Well... When you read this, im sure even you are going to get frustrated, but dont pity. Just get frustrated.
